The Duel

The gingham dog and the calico cat Side by side on the table sat; ’Twas half-past twelve, and (what do you think!) Nor one nor t’other had slept a wink! The old Dutch clock and the Chinese plate Appeared to know as sure as fate There was going to be a terrible spat. (I wasn’t there; I simply state What was told to me by the Chinese plate!) The gingham dog went “bow-wow-wow!” And the calico cat replied “mee-ow!” The air was littered, an hour or so, With bits of gingham and calico, While the old Dutch clock in the chimney-place Up with its hands before its face, For it always dreaded a family row! (Never mind: I’m only telling you What the old Dutch clock declares is true!) The Chinese plate looked very blue, And wailed, “Oh, dear! what shall we do!” But the gingham dog and calico cat Wallowed this way and tumbled that, Employing every tooth and claw In the awfullest way you ever saw— And, oh! how the gingham and calico flew! (Don’t fancy I exaggerate— I got my news from the Chinese plate!) Next morning where the two had sat They found no trace of the dog or cat; And some folks think unto this day That burglars stole that pair away! But the truth about the cat and pup Is this: they ate each other up! Now what do you really think of that! (The old Dutch clock it told me so, And that is how I came to know.)