The words of “Across the Universe” say nothing’s going to change my world. To this, the Beatles add, “Let it be”—words of ambiguous wisdom leaving room for my own answers. Emptiness must be an answer, and beyond emptiness the state. The state of fullness and beyond fullness, indulgence in the world, accepting it, leads to destruction. Maybe I am smart enough to recognize the danger, or maybe I am weak enough be afraid of it, but being the way I am, and thinking the way I think, the answer lies in emptiness, which is where creativity comes from. Creativity is the key. I must know the words to the songs I hear, because they are other creative answers to the questions that I must answer.
I am: greedy for popularity, a gregarious personality, enduring the ways of an epicure while taxing tainture, deigning social charlatans while practicing polite deceptions— my life. Sometimes.
Beyond exists irritability, and life has incapability: beyond contrariness. Beyond is built dissatisfaction, which develops into destruction: beyond querulousness. Fullness makes me sick.
Beyond is found susceptibility, and there lies impressionability: beyond cleanliness. Beyond is discerned intensity. I cling to familiarity: beyond loneliness. I live for emptiness. Beyond is imported originality. I gratefully discover creativity: beyond emptiness.
I am: full without food, busy with nothing to do, tired of repose, blah, humbug, and so-so— my life. Sometimes.
August 1970