I’m. tired. that, with conviction, is always the top in line. I step with the easy, the obvious. the others hard to wait. 2 AM. I haven’t slept since, for a day. FOR NO. REASON. I presume: reasonless but to a purpose, itself without a reason, and causuality to be a reason for the reasonless. But NO. I can’t awake that anymore it’s done. I haven’t slept, longer than my eyes want, to a purpose, for a day. I knot that need in circles. I, dizzy, try stopping sleeping, to time needed, for the need. Next, I suppose I’d expect to find the sleep rolled as a carpet unrolled down these steps by the bed and closed eyes. Why, if that’s all that’s, needed, do I try? Why do I need a bad excuse? to sleep. I’ve not slept for this long. Next I know the carpet is tied on a rope. I try, in expressing the untying the rope.

April 1971