I I don’t laugh at confusion and boredom, but I open my watch and the second hand keeps the seconds. I watch two of them pass this place. Walking in the clouds he says, in the mountains, sure. Exaggeration may be foolhardy, but believing it will bring it down. The obvious is of course the case. When my patience is at an end, I will walk from here, and nobody will follow me anymore. Enough. They are taking notes. II My father worked in a factory. My mother was normal too. III They think it’s funny but it isn’t, when sitting on a toilet, or whatever. We should all love each other. Try it and you’ll see it isn’t funny. It isn’t the same; it isn’t this; it isn’t that. Pretty soon you will see how things are. That door there. I never see that door. This here. IV They told me he was dead, and I thought he was, although I had known it. That wasn’t yesterday, although it was once. Yesterday they said “Soon the gravetree will bear its fruit embracing his bones.” But hs is gone. Tomorrow, it will be the same. V I’d die if I had to change, I really would, and I wouldn’t regret it. I might never get another chance. Conditions are continually set that we hope to see are never met. It must always be that way. If I decide to live, I will have made that change, and if I die, I will have made that change too.
February 1973