It seems futile to think of answers

It seems futile to think of answers when there are things to do. Jules and Jim. Catherine. I am more like Jules, I think, who knows no waxing or waning of love. Just that there are thus lives to know, that the end will always be a surprise, that two can live together, that three can live together that they can all live apart, that one can be hard to hold and harder not to hold, that one can too easily be known, or the other, “I don’t want to be understood,” Catherine. that what comes to live for can leave, that two must wait to be one. and Jules said She has bought a gun and talks of suicide. That is her car. Look at us, Jules, she said. They both died. That one can decide to be happy, Jules decided to be happy, having all he could and not knowing more or less. But Catherine could not be constant, thinking only one of a couple must be faithful. She decides that God will forgive her before she does it. I don’t know guilt, but I dislike deceit. You think that by being honest you are saved.

13 January 1973