1 Every action leads to a reaction my father explained it to me he was an engineer and a believer in physics Interrupt one small ripple in the creek and somewhere on the other shore a newly hatched turtle still soft and yielding enters the water without stopping a water bug has two more inches to skimmer across and the world is changed forever 2 In the corner of the hall closet behind the dank smelling coats behind the moldy parkas and the camel’s hair smelling of camphor I experimented with sitting totally motionless breathing soundlessly even sometimes holding my breath to stop the world like the Don Juan of Castaneda If I did not move if I sat perfectly still perhaps the world would stop moving and I could prevent a catastrophe if we all held our breath every one of us on the same day at precisely the same hour and minute and second the world might stop And barring, an earthquake, a typhoon the earth shifting too suddenly on its axis we could report a minute or two in modern history when nothing happened and no reaction was left behind no detritus debris artifact Nothing to prove our world ever existed Still science might argue that simply occupying space exchanging molecules of heat breathing through our skin there is no way to stop the world and leave nothing behind a breath a purr a longing a sadness My brother the born existentialist and I would argue the point into the summer’s night on the stoop beneath a smiling moon Berkeley, CA, 2005
Hiding Out