Playing God (A Matter of Physics)

For and with Nathan Raven—Natan (Hebrew נָתָן) Reuben or Reuven (Hebrew רְאוּבֵן) (my grandson) (student of physics and mathematics—artist and poet) Imagining creation (losely) some thoughts about duality (the present) invention and newness—past and future (the inner life—carved as it were from the matrix of being—of musing and deep thinking— learning and intuition—feeling and prophesy—longing and love) We seek to be consistently human in the way of all other humans—yet unique— unchanged yet mutable—each moment each act experienced within the physical and psychical world already belonging to the past the moment uttered... Doing is the smoke of being (neither and both) As for the past—in this moment and already gone—it lives briefly—a hair’s breath—during our lifetime—and forever in our remembering— in each scratch or stain on a wall in each footstep in the mud or sand, in each recorded and unrecorded act and every utterance carried by the wind. In every wave that makes it to shore and revives itself through retreating and gathering and advancing and retreating and gathering and advancing . . . we are creating intention . . . unintentionally IT exists without duality, recreating itself without effort or will . . . Awareness without comment—expectation without divisiveness—without longing after billions of years of random sequestration—all is contained without a container. Emptiness that shapes a space—is profound. Profound understanding is found and lost in intuitive leaps that fill the emptiness—the spaces between love and loss—complete. Still we hunger for satiety in a new world where hunger is shared by fullness.... And emptyness is still without form . . . . And so IT created a human by filling IT (the emptyness) with that which was already there and waiting to be found—knowing that we already knew and still needing to find again and perhaps again and again—a circle of longing and curiosity of satiety and emptiness, hunger and contentment.The ouroboros, The snake biting its tail . . . lacking only flesh and intention. . . . The human soul swimming in emptiness, tumbling in the ether filled itself with intuition and cellular knowledge—for a great long time—the bones and flesh—buoyant fluids tumbling in a matterless cosmos from nothingness that did and did not long for solidity or definition . . . and so on and on . . . After—the creator—over the matter of a scarce billion years encouraged the matryx which was forming by the random spinning and tangling of matterless matter—revolve or spin or swim in the air that was also the sea—together or side by side , a hodgepodge— roughly, randomly, tentatively in sequences transparent—moved by an ever increasing light—by the way—of intuition and imagination and magic—by the loving of ITself—as yet and still without true substance or attachment . . . Overwhelmed by instability at best. Randomly and seemingly inconsequential— First up IT recognized reflection—a tentative concept (of time and numbers ?) (A mirror?) and looking into it (created ITS own image ) (imagining the I while still falling weightlessly through the emptiness) testing the concept of permanent matter still free and mutable—while tumbling weightless in an empty universe. In time and insistence on something—on making a thing that had no substance but neverthe less surrounded the empty space and was its imagined guard and gardener Of the opposition eschewing the cushion of agreement that exists only because there is no opposite—purpose . . . finally ultimately IT courted disagreement and causality— causality and dissuasion this idea of wo/man may have been the first idea—the inception= of a god of God, All these intentions unintentionally spinning and tumbling, exploding and randomly regrouping—and sticking where they stuck a pattern that recreated itself in new choices repatterning older choices . . . through billions of years of freely floating experimentation . . . . Still ONE is forced to hold ONE’s breath and imagine—a single thought—a unification of opposites which is still billions of years in the future in an imagining that has not to date had a fixed intention—the will and the space and time to be imagined.., to fill a designated space and timeless/time . . . Until it imagined it had all that IT needed—with the tail in its mouth—and so it was and so it was so. . . . EIN SOF (without end) Provincetown, 2023/2024