Monoglots vs. Polyglots

During the first Pentecost, the Holy Spirit descended and the disciples spoke in tongues such that everyone wherever they were from heard them speak in their own languages. The Church of Polyglots say that God understands all languages and the Holy Spirit temporarily gave everyone present the same ability. The Church of Monoglots, however, say that if there’s a miraculous translation, then it can go both ways, so that God needs to know only one language. Yet a third group of believers, the Church of Uniglots, agrees somewhat with both Polyglots and Monoglots. They say that God speaks in a universal language, one that takes no effort to understand. Under the influence of the Holy Spirit, the disciples spoke this universal language. Miraculous translation into this universal language is needed only for speakers of ethnic languages so that God can understand them.