Fava beans aren’t obscene, peanuts are neither nuts nor peas, chickpeas aren’t peas for chicks, and pea pods aren’t a place to go. This is the difference between common and fancy beans. Lentils are little opaque lenses, and pintos aren’t horses. We have carob beans in the Caribbean, but pintos aren’t horses. Alfalfa’s fun for foals and calves, clovers for bees and lovers, soybeans for tofu and soy sauce, white beans for protestants, red beans for communists. Navy beans will feed a navy, kidney beans will feed a kidney. Dry them, fry them, and refry them, boil them and put them in your soup. Legumes are fruits of different colors. Do not shock them; do not mock them; you might be a legume, too, and the more you have the more you toot.