If someone asks me to describe it I can use a metaphor. My best friend and I went camping in the wilderness. In the night, surrounded by trees and rocks, I find that she’s dead. We didn’t bring maps; we were not prepared for this. When she was alive we could never be lost. The safest thing to do is to sit in the shade and cry. Little else is possible. Barging through the underbrush will not help me feel less lost, and will not bring her back.