Blind Study

1/
Let’s begin with what’s called the awakening
a pillow is something you place beneath your head
do you ever sleep to know what I’m saying
something soft I mean a stone wouldn’t do the job
even though it might be big enough
he pillowed his head on a big stone
the best dreams are those we forget
do you think so or don’t you
do you or don’t you think so
intention has a certain flavor for certain
most recent display that meets the eye
what we’re getting at is always off-stage
do you get what I mean
like waking up and not being the same person
I think what I think and sometimes I think so
puzzled by all the pieces of the puzzle
even the missing pieces between saying and hearing
can’t hear though your hand placed near the ear like a fan
no breeze to help the message is there a message
that’s right you exclaim trust me you cry out
no camera in your hand nor in the air above you
not even a gasp from someone nearby
not even a gasp in the next room
not even in the best room in the house
this is the best room in the house
after all is said and done
thank you is said then for what is heard
you said a cold day could get warmer a warm day etc etc
hence always holding a flashlight
2/
dice don’t roll they tumble
which in my humble opinion means
the fewer the friends the better off you are
there you go again one cliche leads to another
for example you have no examples
standing your ground in the original
called extrapolating like taking off your coat to stay awhile
you’ve been here before and still don’t know how you got here
every before has an after coming in the wake
just another afternoon sometimes called now or never
as if there’s any difference between now or never
revealing the same nevermind
right at home in the usual decibels
the beginning must have a beginning
a mild offering in whatever the circumstances
costuming your own death wish in case you’re interested
you don’t need a lawyer in this case
caught in the trance of now and then
forgive yourself and light a candle
surely there are voices somewhere reminding you
there’s no now and maybe a then
voices or not you are your own silence
the same as when you started out
yes you have returned no one asks from where
remembering the days when even your delusions were real
so-called bewilderment going up in smoke
light yet another cigarette shuffling along with your mortal coil
now or never same choice same figment of afterwards
3/
was there a last dance you don’t remember a last dance
there was no last dance
maybe there was a last dance
all is documented in one attitude or another
around the corner called the unreal
suddenly arrived as suddenly planned
right on the heels of before and after
forgive and light another candle to honor your own death wish
your first task in heaven comparing the laughter you shared
while drinking wine with different friends left down below
4/
you waited for the suddenly to arrive as planned
what could you have done otherwise
having agreed to share in the meaning of what occurred
the memoir addressed to no one in particular
you talking to me you must be talking to me there’s nobody else here
clothed in premises you had never seen the like of
documented in one attitude or another
the bell tolled you waited for the bells to chime
the thrill of it all based on when will you never see me again
and if you never see me again it will still be too soon
fact is someone you know will always stand out in a crowd
in case you’re searching for a topic sentence
on a rainy day take your sunglasses the sun might come out
for even a song you don’t like can bring tears to your eyes
5/
your time is filled with time for this time for that
not to mention timelessness itself as fulfilling
the not knowing at the gate called where you are
not knowing what to say an untimely lifetime
delving into the supremacy not knowing
the self dwells in that’s all for now temperament being temperament
for example in the office but not at your desk
at your desk not in the office as the world turns
excuse yourself take a deep breath because you can
the metaphoric friend going by on the street below
forgetting to look up like the last time not at all at last
being too anxious to have the experience called anxiety
6/
does light make a difference placed in why and why not
a thousand opinions at the window-pane
nowhere can be right where you are anywhere can be right where you are
though at times you are saved by the superfluous
someone coming in to ruin your loneliness
so much for window and window pane no dream ladder for the next appointment
being always a specialist in disappointment
one way or another to fall back on memory
yes you did spend the afternoon trying to decide
which scraps of paper should be discarded from your shoulder bag
everything takes time the rocking chair rhythm of time taking time
7/
feverish is as feverish does
facts can be outdated before you forget today is another day
the sound you hear that’s why there are clocks
somewhere between one thing and another
even though there is a ship in the harbor
don’t know where to go wouldn’t mind getting there
who died and when did who die
same time just the same choice is the same
though you still remember the time we didn’t recognize each other
some sentences don’t need a when
let’s cut to the chase that time we didn’t etc etc
always rehearsing for what will never happen
you ain’t seen nothing yet
liking your doctor because he looks like he’s sure to die before you do
in the time being they say time is irreversible here you come
permanently in wonder at what might be called the next step
8/
the void is just so immense
right behind being left behind
glances coming my way
am I blameworthy as the crow flies
by the way ashes to ashes dust to dust is written in the bible
I fall back and reminisce starting with the word douse
doused in memories I vanish before my very own eyes
forgetting that forgetting is also a part of the glorious moment
entrance exit at the exhibition which exhibition the exhibition
sometimes you’ve just got to be reliable in any scenario
taking a break from what meets the eye
too busy to remember what I said
what does it mean to understand even though I heard underhand
take it all then see if I care about the burden of all
I am my own boss he said proudly as the ceiling cracked above him
does so many nice individuals mean the same as so many nice people
I’ll be home later give me a call and let’s find something to talk about
being exactly who you’re supposed to be doesn’t mean you are always the same person
didn’t care one way or another then a cry for help reached my ears
remembering those days when the real news was no news at all
9/
I’m out of here death be not proud you’re running behind
no one’s hanging on the story line friends do arrive
a change in pace a signal from one place to another still you’re kept waiting
how I throw around the you that’s meant or otherwise doesn’t anything change
where’s the question not to mention the questioner so why ask
now to look at the notes let’s keep it simple a cool breeze offers solace
that’s what I said any questions I stumble now and then don’t ask why
weakness of character I know the word mistakes and now I will tell you something or other
otherworldly keeps appearing I didn’t ask for it there you go am I right or am I right
shall I treasure what I have where’s that island although now is elsewhere
oh nostalgia in the here and now Ok you know me
that’s the flashlight of belonging with or without the wild horses
10/
uncanny is a word which keeps me guessing about the next appointment
my calendar all in flames I’m not waiting anywhere for elsewhere is my companion
those postcards you sent blending with what might be
I do love your questions kept guessing is my occupation the halo has permanence
and someone is always at the door
vital is as vital does a ship does need a captain
now we understand each other I’ve read somewhere and yes we will
one thing or another for never is as never does
oh those texts I can rely on nerves in our pockets
the last time I saw your face that voice I’m hearing
I know I’m not alone and please don’t trip on the stairs
foolish is a past complaint made to order in the here and now
some kind of knowledge called who we are yet how profound the next step
let us go on like this keeping an eye on the otherwise caught in a myth of completion
11/
spare me the impromptu when you’ re just standing there
now to discuss the story line looking elsewhere for something to hang on to
your presence transcends it all oh door now closed and still you are who you are
that flame on the candle which at some point arrives in the mail
writing it all down doesn’t mean what should be or was
open the window or close the window oh ghostly forever
a step or two the same from where I’m standing that roar we’re listening to
all is train of thought no one knows more than you time before or time after
enclosed in neither let’s decide on nowhere or do I mean neither here nor there
I live in your puzzled look or were you looking elsewhere
something was meant and returns in case we have the language now today please explain