Turning the Dial

To love like a cat your own person, your own life, independent and therefore true, with me, I can easily imagine you purring in my lap, purring in your lap. Am I insecure? do I need to prove you’re true? do I feel that I won’t satisfy you, or won’t be satisfied, afraid that you won’t need me, unless I sacrifice myself for you? I tell you I love you I love you I love you I love you but I will never sacrifice the self you love. I will not in the false spirit of love or loyalty suffer without protest, even for kindness or consideration. Pettiness and selfishness stick and hurt like tar and burr. I will never sacrifice myself for you, or expect you to sacrifice yourself for me. Content and curious, I will cultivate both quiet couch and distant alley. I will not, to be true to any role, suppress the bite, or fake the purr. Love will give me trust to scratch and bite to keep soft hand, warm bed, moist kibble. Purring in your lap, purring in my lap, I can easily imagine me, with you, independent and therefore true, my own person, my own life, in love like a cat.

To Love

15 February 1985