Tales

• About this book
• Angelic aspects – Donkeys can see angels.
• Animal Capability Society – Animals, like us, are capable of love.
• Annual review of mythological creatures – Every year they need to try a little harder.
• Anomalous wildlife activity – Wild animals met in a circle.
• Apple a day – Billy Beauford developed an apple that is a well-balanced meal.
• Aquarium spies – Aquarium fish from North Korea might be spying on you.
• Attributed to Saint Augustine – Saint Augustine’s influences very widely.
• Authorship – People think computers generate some information sources.
• Aversion – Some people have an involuntary aversion to accordion music.
• Backwards speech – Backwards speech is replacing Pig Latin in Germany.
• Bad-Mouth Mitch – Bad-Mouth Mitch’s rudeness has gone viral.
• Bakers union – The bakers union was the perfect front.
• Bankruptcy support group – Business owners do anything to get into this group.
• Biblical steganography – The secrets of history are hidden in the Bible.
• Billionaire avatars – Robotic AI avatars are replacing billionaires.
• Body doubles – Some people are replaced by body doubles.
• Boulder giants of Kashgar – Boulders are the skulls of sleeping giants.
• Bowling code – Bowling broadcasts encode investment advice.
• Bridge troll – People who walk across the bridge hear a voice.
• Buried UFO – A boy, digging in the woods, found a buried UFO.
• Burp of the scorned woman – Vacationers are interrupted by her burp.
• Cabinets of the mind – Some cabinets might better be kept locked.
• Candlestick of jealousy – Any jealous person who owns the candlestick dies.
• Car tracker – A phone app can track cars on any street.
• Cat abductions – Cats are routinely abducted by aliens.
• Cat-door rats – Large rats enter homes through cat doors.
• Cat ladies – A group of cat ladies has learned cat language.
• Catman – Catman isn’t on TV or in the movies.
• Cheating in sports – Cheating in sports will be institutionalized.
• Children without mouths – Children without mouths are seen in Oregon.
• Christmas in December – We have Christmas in December because Valentinus hated his wife.
• The clown who couldn’t laugh – Calvin couldn’t laugh.
• Coal mine capsule – Coal miners exposed a long-buried capsule.
• Coaster – Coaster, the cat, loved to ride roller coasters.
• Confidential gravediggers – Every murderer needs a professional to bury the body.
• Confusion ray – The U.S. Army disavows development of a confusion ray.
• Contagious yawning – Yawning is an early means of communication
• Coracle girl – She paddles a coracle, then she disappears.
• Country gas station – A small gas station in the country bought gas but never sold any.
• Craig Cruiser – Cruiser was a race-car driver who never won a race.
• Customer service consortium – Companies conspire against consumers.
• Dangerous word combinations – People unknowingly utter dangerous spells.
• Death blindness – Things die around you all the time but you can’t see them.
• Déjà vu – The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.
• Denison decrement – Students say the administration punishes students who are caught drunk.
• Department of Homeland Insecurity – “Security” means something different to fascists.
• Dipartimento Segnaletica Ingannevole di Roma – The Department of Signage in Rome has traditions to uphold.
• Disappearing flights – Some airplanes don’t just disappear.
• Disappearing tramp – He was put in a jail cell and never found in the morning.
• Divine presence – The divine presence dwells somewhere.
• The dog who always ran away – Each time he ran away, he stayed away.
• Drawing a lily – Children in Poland are discouraged from drawing a lily.
• Dream control – Bea Porteous learned hows to control her own dreams.
• Dream house – A small house has a detachable bedroom.
• Dream inventions – Almost all dream inventions are unrealistic.
• Dreams of falling – Kevin Unter had dreams of falling.
• Dumb luck – This guy was so dumb that he didn’t know how dumb he was.
• Earth people of Camaroon – Farmers around Ngaoundéré find trinkets in the ground.
• Entropy reversal – A private school trains con artists.
• Evidence of narcissism – They can live and work among us in disguise.
• Evil neighbor – Bill and Cathy had the worst neighbor.
• Evolved squirrels – Squirrels have evolved to use tools and collaborate.
• Excess brain capacity – Aliens might be using us.
• Facing mirrors – Mirrors that face each other have special properties.
• Failed venture capital pitches – One person holds the record for failed proposals.
• False fungi – Not all fungi is what it seems to be.
• Feast of the Ass – Some obscure medieval feasts haven’t died.
• First arrivals – Iĝanax̂ and his family came to Alaska by boat.
• Fisherman Ferd – Fisherman Ferd had a connection to nature.
• Flathead Lake raccoon – A cabin owner said he saw a talking raccoon.
• Floating monk – He rose in the air until he hit his head on a tree limb.
• Flying – Tommy had the best face for flies.
• Footprints – Footprints of an invisible child might be following you.
• Free NYC real estate – Mac MacCuffy found something better than rent control.
• Free sailing – They say it’s safe to let the winds blow your boat anywhere it goes.
• Gang of chefs – They break into restaurants and serve gourmet meals.
• Gargoyles and chimeras – Gargoyles and chimeras are not merely fantasies.
• Gasputin of Russia – Irregular rhythms of his heart described the past and proscribed the future.
• Gate to the afterlife – Sayori said she tripped and saw into the afterlife.
• Giant stuffed animal ordinance – An ordinance in Kewanee prohibits giant stuffed animals.
• Girl who thought she never slept – Someone came into her room each night and did the crosswords.
• Goat rider – An old man rode into Prague on a goat.
• Goats in human suits – Goats in human suits are betrayed by their eyes.
• Goldfisher – Joe trained goldfish.
• Gravity – Chuck Spenser might have solved the mystery of gravity.
• Greenback phobia – People who handle cash can grow fearful of it.
• Green-Light Willy – Willy never had to stop for a red light.
• Guardian fairies – Every kitten is assigned a guardian fairy
• Ham radio aliens – Passing the Turing test isn’t hard for aliens.
• Hang-gu people – They live at every seaport.
• Haunted liquor cabinet – A liquor cabinet is haunted by spirits.
• Heaven and earth – What if we go to earth when we die?
• Helpful hiker – A strange hiker warns of dangers up the trail.
• Hirsute – It’s hard to get hair to grow only on scalps.
• Horse-human connection – Horses can read some people’s minds.
• Housecats understand us – Housecats understand us but don’t let on that they do.
• Impervious beach house – Henry Groper’s beach house was impervious to the elements.
• Incapacitation powders – The U.S. military has not had a good time with incapacitation powders.
• Innocent absence – Dibby Smith maintained her innocence.
• Insect warfare – Insects could be more than pests.
• Insurance companies – Third-party insurance companies are insulated from complaints.
• Intelligence agencies – Many agencies are operated and funded in secrecy.
• Jesus toast – Why can’t people see images of Santa Claus in their toast?
• Joke man – A man tells dirty jokes in lines at banks.
• Jumping baby – A baby jumps from a park bench, alarming nannies.
• Language learning – A program can teach a language in three weeks, but it’s restricted.
• Lazarus funeral home – A funeral home got too much business because too many people woke up.
• Lead-Arm Mike – Lead-Arm Mike claimed he’d been shot more than any other man.
• Legally dead – There are advantages to being declared legally dead.
• Liars Society – Nobody admits they were members, and maybe still are.
• Life isn’t a TV show – Life might not be a TV show.
• Living in the present – It’s possible to reset your time sense.
• Lying Larry – The Marquis of Cornwall could only lie.
• Magic – Anything someone cares about could be magic.
• Magic mushrooms – A rare mushroom gives its users special powers.
• Mall hell – An underground level of a mall is served by dead clerks.
• The man who lived with a turnip – He said he preferred the turnip to having a wife.
• Marital failure – Alfred would never be a good husband.
• Medieval church dogs – Scabellum canis is now extinct.
• Melbourne snitch – A highly secretive marsupial snitches things.
• Memory tricks – Stanley Price claims to have forgotten more words than anybody.
• Mind readers – Adults in Loleta can read minds.
• Miniature town – Sandra sees herself in a miniature town.
• Missions in space – Rumors of secret space missions might be a ruse.
• Misusukūrutīchā – A chastised teacher continues to test schoolchildren.
• Monkey-puzzle trees – The purpose of monkey-puzzle trees is to feed aliens.
• Multiple personality disorder – Clifford Butterworth had many personalities, not all his own.
• Mushroom garden – An unexpected garden appeared in Smithson Grady’s yard.
• Mutants – Many mutant humans go unrecognized.
• Naming the deities – Scholars decided to document all the devils and deities.
• Narcissist distopia – Narcissists don’t built utopias.
• National security – Secrecy is a national security risk.
• Neck-shaving conspiracy – Frat boys challenged the practice of shaving the back of the neck.
• Needing to decide – Getting anything you need just wouldn’t work.
• No photograph – Alice had no photograph of her mother.
• Oil of the Oirubeibī – In Japan, oil babies squirted their own oils into lamps.
• Open graves of Hopkinsville – Open graves appear in empty lots and fields.
• Over-unity – If free energy were possible, would we be told?
• Owen Apple-Core – Owen López threw apple cores at passers-by.
• Papal puppetry – International businessmen have always controlled the church.
• Paragon of creativity – Griff is a paragon of creativity.
• Paranoid – It’s not easy to distinguish reality from imagination.
• Parisian graffiti – New recruits for the Parisian police put up most of the city’s graffiti.
• Peaceful denizens – Most denizen monsters are peaceful.
• Petty nationality – Rich Macduffy claimed the police had no juristiction.
• Pick-Pocket Pete – Pick-Pocket Pete became a secret agent.
• Pierrot amnesia – A Pierrot costume in France causes amnesia.
• Piss ants – You can use a piss ant to diagnose a pregnancy.
• Placebo County – Doctors don’t need special training if their patients are sufficiently gullible.
• Police reports – Police reports in L.A. are intended to amuse other officers.
• Poopbots – The time hasn’t come yet for robots that pick up after dogs.
• Precocial gene – A recessive gene produces precocial babies.
• Privacy agencies – If you need them, they’ll find you.
• Problem with the calendar – All the saints were born and died in the same month.
• Psychic powers – Psychic powers increase in troubled times.
• Quarantined – Intelligent alien peoples have quarantined us.
• Rabbit hole – They are fashioning the internet to be your rabbit hole.
• Radioactivity resistance – Rhesus monkeys are being bred for radioactivity resistance.
• RD cassette – The CIA uses subtle tests for potential recruits.
• The real conspiracy – The real conspiracy is to distract us from what really matters.
• Reclusive neighbors – Some neighbors are too secretive to trust.
• Recording his life – If you had a record of your life, when would you listen to it?
• Reincarnation – Reincarnation is difficult to prove.
• Remains – Remains in museums are a little creepy.
• Retraction Society – Many fraudulent papers are written and published as a challenge.
• Rock lickers of Wyoming – Licking rocks is actually a good geological technique.
• Running stop signs – Running stop signs is morally OK.
• Russian influences – Everything that’s wrong is because of the Russians.
• Salad rain – Salad greens rained from the sky.
• SciFi – Science fiction is mostly written by aliens.
• Seagull surveillance – The Chinese use seagulls for maritime surveillance.
• Secret societies in early California – Every man was a member of one or more secret societies.
• Self-healing mutation – He was never able to patent his special ability.
• Shapeshifters – It’s possible to detect them if they try to pass as human beings.
• Sins of Glastonbury Abbey – The monks were not free of deadly sins.
• Skin pattern therapist – A man can cure any disease by stroking the skin.
• Sober Brawley – Nobody could get him drunk.
• Social instincts – The devil might be constantly frustrated.
• Subliminal messaging – Subliminal messaging would be the first thing they’d want us to ignore.
• Survivor – Frank G. claims to have survived 23 murder attempts.
• Suspicious road crews – Suspicious road crews are seen in the rural south.
• They all looked like Vic – Everyone in Malta looked like Vic.
• Three wishes – Better not ask for more than three wishes.
• Time travel – Everyone travels through time.
• Underground lairs – Many people have secret underground lairs.
• Unfinished experiment – Human beings are the result of an unfinished experiment.
• Unidentified students – Oddly dressed students appear and take notes.
• Unnatural deaths – In 1987, every death in one small town was unnatural.
• Untranslatable – Professor Foster de Foster tried to construct a language composed of untranslatable words.
• Untrue rumors – Attractive rumors spread faster than unsatisfactory truths.
• Vanished town – The place where Reginald was born wasn’ there.
• Viral enhancements – Three farm boys searched for a beneficial virus.
• Vitamin R – Pharmacist Bill Smoothie discovered vitamin R.
• Walking on air – Neil Vocce invented a means of walking on air.
• Walled-over closets – Apartments were built with inaccessible interior spaces.
• Winking George – Watch for a dollar bill that shows George Washington winking.
• Wormhole skiers – Skiers down Powder Mountain found themselves in Ogden.
• Yawning Gary – Gary was the world’s greatest yawner.
• Yogic cleansing – After Sutra Neti, Yogi Puki advocates going deeper.